Don't miss our next story!
Be notified when we publish new content. We promise not to spam you.
Unsubscribe at any time.NDP Promises New State Grocery Stores Will Be Just as Efficient as the ArriveCAN App
WINNIPEG — In a bold move to tackle the “greedflation” of the private sector, newly elected NDP leader and documentary filmmaker Avi Lewis has promised that his proposed national chain of state-run grocery stores will be modeled after the federal government’s most successful IT procurement project: the ArriveCAN app.
Lewis, who secured a first-ballot victory this weekend by promising to “illuminate the darkening sky of capitalism,” assured a crowd of cheering activists that a government-run supermarket would bring the same “streamlined, cost-effective logic” to buying eggs that the CBSA brought to border crossings in 2020.
“Why should Canadians rely on Loblaws when they can have a store managed with the fiscal discipline of a $60 million QR code?” asked Lewis, while wearing a hemp blazer that cost more than a year’s supply of No Name flour. “Imagine a grocery store where we pay a two-man consulting firm in Manotick $20 million to find us someone who knows how to operate a bread slicer. That is the NDP difference.”
The plan, titled The People’s Pantry, suggests that while a carton of milk might technically be listed at $2.00, the final cost to the taxpayer after “consultancy markups” and “whiskey-tasting oversight sessions” will be approximately $412.00.
At publishing time, the NDP was reassuring hungry families that while the store is currently out of milk, bread, and basic sanity, they have successfully spent $14 million on a new “inclusive” logo featuring a gender-neutral stalk of wheat.